According to Dr. Gary Chapman, a love expert, there are 5 languages of love. (Side note: How do you become a love expert ? Sounds amazing.) These languages are:
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service (devotion)
- Physical touch
His theory states that everyone has one primary and one secondary language that they “speak”. He also says that people tend to give love in the same way they wish to receive love. So it is important to recognise how you and your partner (in any sort of relationship) express love. I found this quiz here if any of you would like some help in identifying your main languages of love.
The first time I heard of these 5 languages, was through my quirky Religious Studies teacher. She was giving us some friendly life advice, and told us that expressing love in the right way is the key to any relationship. Six years later, those words of wisdom have really helped me out.
I am now in a committed relationship, and these languages of love play on my mind all the time. I just took the quiz above, and it confirmed what I already knew to be true. My primary language of love is acts of service – devotion. I have always been someone who relies more on people’s actions than their words. Promises don’t stand for much with me unless you follow through. Whereas my partner’s primary language (I believe) is quality time. He loves to hang out together. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love to hang out with him, but it just might mean more to him because it’s exactly what he needs to affirm our love for each other. I also know that he doesn’t really value gift buying (which is sad because it means I don’t get a lot of presents haha), whereas I love getting people gifts. Not big, fancy gifts – it can be as little as a chocolate bar, just to show someone that I was thinking of them. For me, it’s the effort put in that means a lot. It reminds me of when my dad used to come home from work, surprising us with chocolate bars for my sisters, my mum and me. We loved it when he did that and it obviously stuck with me, so I use it as a way to express my love.
So if you ever feel distant from someone, or that you’re maybe not getting through to your partner as much as you’d like, give it a go ! Figure out their language of love by observing how they respond to them (or a less subtle approach would be to just link them that quiz above and ask for the answer..). Even if you don’t believe in this theory, it might start a conversation about different ways of expressing love.